


Finding Miles

by pantswarrior



Category: Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Drama, Friendship, Gen, Memories, Phoenix Wright Kink Meme, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-18
Updated: 2012-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-10 06:02:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/463007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantswarrior/pseuds/pantswarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of case 3-1 and the heartbreak caused by Dahlia, Miles Edgeworth saves Phoenix from himself without even being present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Miles

**Author's Note:**

> I seem to remember that the prompt for this story involved a previous prompt where Phoenix saved Miles from committing suicide, and the OP wanted to see a reversal of that. Somehow this is what my brain came up with based on that premise.

"So, Phoenix... ready?"

Phoenix didn't answer - he just stared up at the tall stone building before them, strange and old-fashioned in the midst of all the modern skyscrapers. He didn't know what to say.

A hand on his shoulder startled him, and he turned to see a sympathetic smile on Ms. Fey's lips. "I think I know how you feel," she admitted. "After my first time in the courtroom, and how it ended - and then, what happened to Mr. Armando - even passing the building gave me panic attacks for months. But I knew I couldn't let it end there."

And so she'd taken his case. Phoenix managed to smile back. "...I'm glad you didn't, Ms. Fey."

"Me too. After all, now I have a new intern," she said, her smile growing a little wider. "I can start my own firm. ...But not if I have an intern who's afraid to go into the courthouse," she added, somewhat more pointedly.

Phoenix turned back to look at the building. The style of architecture almost made it look more ominous. Though it wasn't the tallest building on the surrounding blocks by far, it seemed heavier than everything else in the vicinity. Except possibly for the weight in his chest.

Ms. Fey squeezed his shoulder. "C'mon," she murmured. "Let's go do some research."

Phoenix took a deep breath and followed as she released him.

\---

The lobby wasn't so bad, the elevator was nothing. They didn't look in any of the courtrooms; it was the library downstairs that left him feeling as if he couldn't breathe, and he stopped in the doorway.

Sensing that he wasn't following anymore, Ms. Fey turned back to look at him. "...Hey, you're going to block traffic," she teased him, and it was enough to push him the rest of the way through.

He wasn't listening to what she was saying, though, because he knew it wasn't important. She was just talking to lighten the mood, because she knew how he felt, and that it would help to keep focused on the here and now instead of the past. But Phoenix couldn't do that. He remembered exactly where he'd been standing. He could almost hear the soft clearing of a delicate throat, the timid Excuse me...

For all its timidity, he'd never had a girl be so forward with him. She'd said it outright, what she was thinking, and how could he possibly turn her down? Maybe he didn't know her yet, but she wanted to know him, and... and she was really pretty, not like the skanky girls Larry was always showing off, but honestly beautiful, soft and pure like a flower petal, and even if Phoenix didn't really know what kind of girls he liked, he knew he would have been an idiot not to give this one a chance, when she was looking at him like that, blushing, taking the chain from around her neck.

And then he'd gotten to know her, as they met time and time again, and he couldn't imagine ever wanting any other kind of girl. She was so... she was like him, full of ideas and insecurities and love for people and animals and plants and life in general - not just love for each other. They agreed about politics. They cried at the same parts of sad movies. She was like another part of himself, a part he hadn't known he was missing until he found it, and he was almost afraid to touch her, like she might break or disappear if he did. Like he might wake up from a dream.

In the end, it was true. She was a dream, and he'd woken up. But he still couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right, that that _hadn't_ been his Dollie, confessing to murder, to framing him. He knew it was closer to the reality he knew - ever since elementary school, kids would blame him for things he hadn't done, mock him for being so emotional and open, take advantage of his willingness to trust - but he wanted _that_ to be the dream, not the perfect girlfriend who loved him. It was a nightmare he couldn't wake up from, no matter how hard he pinched himself, how many times he found himself lying in his bed gasping for breath in the middle of the night, on the verge of screaming her name.

He felt dizzy, and realized that he was gasping for breath _now_ , right there in the library.

Ms. Fey must have noticed, because she gently took his arm. "Phoenix, sit down. Let's just get to work, all right? Don't think so much."

And he did sit down, resting his head in one hand weakly, staring down at the book Ms. Fey placed in front of him. He was trying to listen to what she was saying, but even when he could make it out, he couldn't answer. His vision was blurred and he couldn't read the text. Finally she paused, and her tone changed from business to concern. "...Want to talk about it?"

He shook his head. "I think I need a bathroom break," he muttered, and only wobbled a little as he got to his feet. He shook his head again at Ms. Fey's query as to whether he was all right - and then realized that wasn't the best way to answer and nodded instead - and managed to keep himself from _running_ from the room.

Instead of the bathroom, he went back to the elevator.

\---

He and Larry had come to the courthouse on their own once, when they were kids. They looked everywhere - absolutely everywhere - because the first adult they'd asked had simply replied by asking if they shouldn't be in school at this hour, and Phoenix had been too scared of being found out to ask anyone else.

They went up and up and up, floor by floor, peering through windows and peeking in open doorways, until the elevator doors slid apart to reveal a dim, plain room with cleaning supplies and old dusty equipment, rather than the polished floors they'd been seeing up until this level. There was a steel door at one end, and of course Larry had wanted to go see what was behind it. A short flight of stairs, and then...

Even with the wind blowing straight in his face, Phoenix still felt like he wasn't getting enough air. The light seemed too bright, but he stumbled out the door onto the courthouse roof anyway, half-blind from the tears that had started falling while he was still in the elevator.

He'd had every intention of proposing, as soon as the school year was over. Maybe she _was_ only the first girlfriend he'd ever had, but sometimes it happened that way, when fate struck. They were supposed to get married, and have babies (if he could ever get over the idea that having sex with such a perfect creature would be anything less than sacrilege), and adopt a couple of cats and plant a garden in the yard of the house that his eventual career in law or maybe acting or both would pay for, and she would write poetry and become famous while he defended the innocent or performed on Broadway or something. This was how it was supposed to be - a man and wife, happy and successful and at peace. This was what he'd built his dreams into - _their_ dreams. He didn't have any left, apart from her.

Now that she was gone, he couldn't see without her. He couldn't breathe without her. How was his heart supposed to go on beating without her? So many times in the middle of the night, when he was sobbing into his pillow, he wished that it would stop trying. He could put on a brave front in the daytime, but when he was alone in the dark? He thought about stopping it on purpose.

Larry, when they'd found this place as kids, had run right up to the edge and looked down, telling Phoenix to come see. A person could splatter like an egg if they fell off something this high, he'd said, and Phoenix had told him that's exactly why he wasn't going to 'come see'. This time, he did step closer, all the way to the small rise around the edge of the roof. He was still afraid of heights, yes - but he was far more scared of living without her. And it didn't look so tall, now that he was grown up, or maybe it was just his blurry vision. He wondered if it was even far enough for the fall to kill someone, or if they'd just end up permanently damaged. 

All right, if _he'd_ wind up permanently damaged. He couldn't deny that's why he was thinking it. And maybe it didn't matter, because he was already permanently damaged. He wasn't sure his life could be more miserable than it already was.

He dared to sit there, shakily, looking down. He wasn't sure he could do it himself, making the jump. He hadn't had the nerve to swallow all of the pills, or to do more than puncture his wrist, or stare at the train tracks. He was such a chicken. Larry had said so many times when they were kids, once even on this rooftop. Phoenix could almost hear Larry bouncing around, flapping his arms and making 'bawk bawk bawwwwwwk!' noises at him - as well as the response he'd given, which made him pause.

Stop being stupid, Larry - we're supposed to be looking for Miles!

It was as quick as the thought; his fear of heights returned to him, and he stared down at the city streets below in horror. Catching himself swaying, he leaned back in a hurry, scrabbling backwards towards the door.

Miles Edgeworth. Now dubbed 'the demon prosecutor' by the local press, thanks to the first of the articles he had clipped, a few months before meeting Dahlia. It had been looking for Miles again, ten years after he and Larry had skipped class, that had brought him back to the courthouse. The article had said Miles was given a case that should have been open-and-shut - but in a strange twist, the defendant had committed suicide on the stand before he was about to be declared not guilty. Right there in the courtroom. And Prosecutor Edgeworth - _Prosecutor_ Edgeworth? - had remained calm and arrogant, head held high as the press crowded around him asking questions he ignored. Truly a cold man.

And that wasn't the Miles Edgeworth that Phoenix remembered. He remembered a boy who believed in defending the innocent, in the logical conclusion based on evidence. Someone who couldn't stand seeing injustice.

Miles! That's what's important! And if we fall off this roof and die, who's going to bring him back?

Who _was_ going to bring Miles back...?

Phoenix waited until he'd mostly stopped crying before he reached into his pocket, pulling out all the articles he'd clipped since about Edgeworth's career as a prosecutor. How he was cold and ruthless and cruel. How he taunted defense attorneys and smirked and wagged a finger at men three times his age. How he hadn't even come close to losing a case yet, since that first one. Unlike his childish expedition with Larry, this time Phoenix knew _where_ Miles was.

He just didn't know where _Miles_ was. And since Miles wasn't answering his letters, if he wanted to find out for real this time, it was going to take a lot more effort than just going up in the elevator and checking every floor. Killing himself now... Just like all those times in the middle of the night, the articles he kept close at hand reminded him that he had something left to do after all.

Taking deep breaths, Phoenix managed to calm himself, and... since no one was there to see him, wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve. He'd started working on this before he met Dahlia, he reminded himself again. He didn't need her to do it. This was something he could do himself - that he _needed_ to do himself. How many times had he told Larry, when Larry was crying on his shoulder (and for the first time Phoenix understood how he felt), that girls might come and go, but friends are forever?

Which was why he had to find Miles.

He folded the newspaper clippings again, and returned them to his pocket. It was time he got back to work.

\---

Ms. Fey was still seated in the library, frowning at some texts distractedly, and Phoenix focused on her as he entered. "Oh! Good, you're back." Her attempt at being bright and cheerful wasn't working so well, however, and she sighed. "...Feeling any better?"

He nodded, and sat down across from her, focusing only on the books piled on the table. "...Sorry."

"No, really, it's okay," she assured him, and gave him a sad little smile. "I understand. I'm just glad you came back - I was starting to wonder if I should look for you."

Phoenix shook his head. "No, I'm okay." He didn't feel okay, but... there _was_ something he had to do, and he was going to do it. "...What was it you wanted me to look up, again?"


End file.
